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I had freed myself of my last codependent relationship. No one can be everyone’s type, and I don’t take it personally if after a man decides he’s just not that into me.Somewhere around a year ago I met a guy I enjoyed and who seemed to be digging me too. We had only gone out a few times, and told me respectfully, without any weird, dragged out silence, so no harm, no foul in my book.It’s a haywire system, because they have to control others to feel okay, but that just makes matters worse and leads to conflict and pain. Some people criticize the codependency movement and say that it’s created more loneliness.They argue that relationships are nurturing and that we’re naturally meant to be dependent. The point is that codependent relationships are not only painful, but can be unsupportive and destructive.It is a relationship problem; however, the relationship that’s the problem is not with someone else — it’s the one with yourself.
In the past, it was applied to relationships with alcoholics and drug addicts.
The main building block of any healthy relationship is respect—respect for yourself and respect for the other.
This includes: Admit mistakes and accept responsibility.
Leaning on a relationship as the main source of your security and self-esteem puts way too much pressure on your partner.
It might even lead you to perceive yourself as needy or clingy, particularly if your partner claims you are needing too much maintenance in the relationship.
The difference between a codependent relationship and a healthy one is the same as the difference between compromise and giving up on yourself.